Father’s day isn’t a big holiday in our home. Neither is Mother’s day for that matter. Over the years my husband and I continually worked hard at trying to make the day special for one another and it never quite made it to what we had personally envisioned so we gave up.
My husband has been a father for six years. When we first celebrated Father’s day I made it into a big deal with lots fanfare. I was really trying to make the day a big deal however by the end of it all he really wanted to do is hang out with me and our oldest son. My determination to make Father’s day an incredibly important day continued for four years. Finally, I clued into the fact that he wasn’t really interested.
My discovery of his distaste for Father’s day was a little shocking. Both of our parents have a huge sense of self importance and demand recognition on the day so when my husband said not to do anything I was really taken aback and my reaction probably wasn’t the best. What?! Not do anything?! You are the man that help create these two boys and you contribution demands to be recognized! Now lay down, let me bring you some toast and you are going to like it! F.A.T.H.E.R.
As time went by and we went through two more Mother/Father’s Days I began to realize that I really don’t like the holiday. I don’t like Mother’s day OR Father’s Day. The expectations to honor the other person are so high and I HATE trying to live up to them. I continually found myself expecting so much on Mother’s day and it never quite achieved what I had envisioned and that is my fault. My husband and kids made me gifts, bought me flowers, and treated me like a Queen for a day and somehow it was never enough. I am horribly selfish and self-centered. Father’s day was similar except my husband is much nicer than I am and all he wanted to do was hang out with US! (He is polishing his halo now….)
So this is where we stand today. We have mutually have decided NOT to celebrate the day. We will recognize it with a kiss and a “Hey, Happy (insert holiday here) Day” and allowing the other person decide what we will eat for dinner but other than that don’t expect to much. The other decision that we have made and are EXTREMELY excited about is our plan for our kids. When they have grown and are married with kids we are going to celebrate them and their wives on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We want to take the focus away from us because we will be done with the waking up to children and trying to make them productive, responsible, God fearing human beings part of parenting. So we want to celebrate them in their roles as parents.
….unless they hate the holiday as well. Then we are all screwed.